Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
