so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
