I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
