apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
