at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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