It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
