It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
