apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
