I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
