he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
