It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't turn off my feet"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
