Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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