he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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