So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
