we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
