how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
