All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
