last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
