We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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