I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
