Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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