i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
