Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
