____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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