Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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