Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
