I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
