i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
