He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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