Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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