Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
