Pregnant stripper...not hot.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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