one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
