At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We had to coat check the pizza.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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