There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
