i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
