just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
