I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
