clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
