I want her autograph on my taint
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
