thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
