i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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