You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
