I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
