I puked a lego.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
