The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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