Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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