in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
