i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
