Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
